“I don’t think you give yourself nearly enough credit. You’re like a superhero who doesn’t know how to use her powers yet.”
Still the best compliment I’ve ever received.
By Author, Dear Thor
But most importantly, in the end, you will be able to look back, and unlike many people, know that you took the risk.
And you rejected a life that was status quo because you wanted more. You will become a stronger person because you didn’t choose a comfortable lifestyle in exchange for a mediocre existence. You didn’t sell out.
My friend Sara and her husband lived in San Francisco with their 5-year-old, Max. Over the years Max has wanted to be: a baseball player, an astronaut and a firefighter. Recently they moved to LA. When I asked Maxie what he wanted to be when he grew up, his answer took me by surprise. He said, “Nothing. Yep, I’ve decided I want to be nothing.”
His mother and I laughed thinking he was just being a precocious 5-year-old. However, this wanting to do nothing phase has lasted for 6 months. Since both parents work has Max just seen one too many people doing nothing in lala land? How does that happen? Has he been to too many overcrowded malls on weekdays and thought, “hey, I could do this?”
When he first moved to LA, he started playing with an imaginary friend, named Jamie Martinez. Apparently they played ball together after school. Pretty typical for kids that age. The other day I noticed Max sitting alone not throwing the ball around, I asked, “Max, why don’t you go outside and play with Jamie Martinez?”
“Jamie Martinez is dead to me, he said, “he doesn’t play with me anymore.”
“Why,” I asked.
“He has a full-time job now. He doesn’t have time for me because I do nothing.”
I had always wondered who the Obama Administration was referring too when they announced big increases in job creation. I guess they were referring to imaginary friends like Jamie Martinez.
That morning I woke up in your arms after having the most vivid dream. It was about our future: our wedding, Italy, kids, sheer happiness. It felt as familiar to me as if it had already happened. When I met you, I thought I was done you were the man I had been waiting my entire life for.
But, I know now that you weren’t the ending but my beginning.
I had forgotten…
you made me remember.
Remember…the very thing I had somehow lost (without even realizing it).
You reignited something in me. You brought out the fire inside of me again like the jaws of life rescuing me from an ordinary existence. Even that concept of an ordinary existence makes my skin crawl. But a mediocre life was never in my cards. Meeting you made me realize how truly complacent I had allowed myself to become. But to be clear you are not responsible for giving me the fire, that I was born with. Too many lack luster relationships has simmered that fire inside me. But meeting you changed me. There was something about you or something about you and I together, a connection, that seemed to take on a whole life of its own. Funny how that energy made me do and say things that surprised even myself. How easy it felt to completely lose myself in you, was both unnerving and freeing at the same time. I got so caught up in being 100% transparent with you that I neglected to notice all the things you weren’t saying.
And it’s pretty odd to look back and acknowledge how very little I know about you. You were attracted to the challenge. Addicted to the false pursuit of an ideal. But, here’s the thing, when I look back at our relationship I can say I was 100% myself. I was exactly who I purported to be. Can you say the same thing? And you’re right it would never have worked out between us. But a small part of me will always wonder. I’m not the same woman I was 2 months ago when you broke up with me. We made jokes about me being a writer but oddly what came out of meeting you was finally finding the power of my voice. I will always remember what we had rather than what we didn’t. You mentioned in your email to me that you hoped I would turn the hurt into something positive.
And I started writing. Really writing.
Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.
Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.
Written by Author, Dear Thor
He’s the guy you meet the minute you stop looking. He’s familiar even though you’ve only just met. The very connection you spent years trying to artificially manufacture suddenly comes naturally and without much effort. What an odd sensation. Knowing that you could call him 100 times after the 1st date, say all the wrong things, go against every rule in the book AND in spite of your best efforts to sabotage not even you could derail what feels inevitable. All bets are off. All those wasted years you spent trying to tone down your big personality so you could conform into the girl you thought he wanted you to be.
Your friends don’t know what to make of your overnight transition from Confused to Confucius. They can’t figure out how you went to bed one night Paris Hilton and woke up Tony Robbins. Suddenly you’re not peppering your friends with the, “what does this mean” question. As much as you wish you could claim new-found enlightenment the truth turns out to be far less sexy, it was the wrong fit.
I’ve been dating my ENTIRE life, obsessed with falling in love. My poor mother has received the, “I just met the man I’m going to marry” call at least a dozen times. For every girl who has ever said, “he seemed nice enough, maybe I’ll go out with him again….” I was simultaneously proclaiming to my mother, “it was love at first sight this time I swear.” Gosh, my Mom was such a good sport. Like clockwork, a broken record, an alarm that refused to go off. I would declare each time (with the most dramatic of convictions) that THIS was “the one”. My past record serves as proof that the only thing I could predict with 100% accuracy was that I had no frigging idea what I was talking about. But my Mom still took every one of my calls and listened to the same love story always about some guy on some date in some city. Occasionally, the details would vary.
I’ve had more relationships them Emilda Marco has had shoes. I cringe when I recall my college friend imitating me, “No, really Jamie- I swear this relationship is so much more major than the last.” But then again that statement is according to me! I’m what a journalist would characterize as an unreliable source. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend, that same day I slept over at Jamie and his wife’s house. The next morning when I woke up, Jamie walked into the room and said “Good Morning, so have you met anyone since I saw you last night?” Obviously, he said this with tongue in cheek but this line made us all crack up with laughter because given my past track record anything is possible.