By Author, Dear Thor
But most importantly, in the end, you will be able to look back, and unlike many people, know that you took the risk.
And you rejected a life that was status quo because you wanted more. You will become a stronger person because you didn’t choose a comfortable lifestyle in exchange for a mediocre existence. You didn’t sell out.
That morning I woke up in your arms after having the most vivid dream. It was about our future: our wedding, Italy, kids, sheer happiness. It felt as familiar to me as if it had already happened. When I met you, I thought I was done you were the man I had been waiting my entire life for.
But, I know now that you weren’t the ending but my beginning.
I had forgotten…
you made me remember.
Remember…the very thing I had somehow lost (without even realizing it).
You reignited something in me. You brought out the fire inside of me again like the jaws of life rescuing me from an ordinary existence. Even that concept of an ordinary existence makes my skin crawl. But a mediocre life was never in my cards. Meeting you made me realize how truly complacent I had allowed myself to become. But to be clear you are not responsible for giving me the fire, that I was born with. Too many lack luster relationships has simmered that fire inside me. But meeting you changed me. There was something about you or something about you and I together, a connection, that seemed to take on a whole life of its own. Funny how that energy made me do and say things that surprised even myself. How easy it felt to completely lose myself in you, was both unnerving and freeing at the same time. I got so caught up in being 100% transparent with you that I neglected to notice all the things you weren’t saying.
And it’s pretty odd to look back and acknowledge how very little I know about you. You were attracted to the challenge. Addicted to the false pursuit of an ideal. But, here’s the thing, when I look back at our relationship I can say I was 100% myself. I was exactly who I purported to be. Can you say the same thing? And you’re right it would never have worked out between us. But a small part of me will always wonder. I’m not the same woman I was 2 months ago when you broke up with me. We made jokes about me being a writer but oddly what came out of meeting you was finally finding the power of my voice. I will always remember what we had rather than what we didn’t. You mentioned in your email to me that you hoped I would turn the hurt into something positive.
And I started writing. Really writing.
Written by Author, Dear Thor
He’s the guy you meet the minute you stop looking. He’s familiar even though you’ve only just met. The very connection you spent years trying to artificially manufacture suddenly comes naturally and without much effort. What an odd sensation. Knowing that you could call him 100 times after the 1st date, say all the wrong things, go against every rule in the book AND in spite of your best efforts to sabotage not even you could derail what feels inevitable. All bets are off. All those wasted years you spent trying to tone down your big personality so you could conform into the girl you thought he wanted you to be.
Your friends don’t know what to make of your overnight transition from Confused to Confucius. They can’t figure out how you went to bed one night Paris Hilton and woke up Tony Robbins. Suddenly you’re not peppering your friends with the, “what does this mean” question. As much as you wish you could claim new-found enlightenment the truth turns out to be far less sexy, it was the wrong fit.
I’ve been dating my ENTIRE life, obsessed with falling in love. My poor mother has received the, “I just met the man I’m going to marry” call at least a dozen times. For every girl who has ever said, “he seemed nice enough, maybe I’ll go out with him again….” I was simultaneously proclaiming to my mother, “it was love at first sight this time I swear.” Gosh, my Mom was such a good sport. Like clockwork, a broken record, an alarm that refused to go off. I would declare each time (with the most dramatic of convictions) that THIS was “the one”. My past record serves as proof that the only thing I could predict with 100% accuracy was that I had no frigging idea what I was talking about. But my Mom still took every one of my calls and listened to the same love story always about some guy on some date in some city. Occasionally, the details would vary.
I’ve had more relationships them Emilda Marco has had shoes. I cringe when I recall my college friend imitating me, “No, really Jamie- I swear this relationship is so much more major than the last.” But then again that statement is according to me! I’m what a journalist would characterize as an unreliable source. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend, that same day I slept over at Jamie and his wife’s house. The next morning when I woke up, Jamie walked into the room and said “Good Morning, so have you met anyone since I saw you last night?” Obviously, he said this with tongue in cheek but this line made us all crack up with laughter because given my past track record anything is possible.
Written by Author, Dear Thor
****THIS IS THE EXACT EMAIL I SEND TO MY BEST GUY FRIEND. I THOUGHT SINGLE GIRLS IN THEIR 30’S MIGHT BE ABLE TO RELATE.****
Dear My Best Guy Friend: Actually scratch my “whatever” comment I’m making a real effort not to be passive aggressive in 2013. Ok, you already know how extra special crazy I get every year on my birthday.
I feel like I made a really big effort to make sure you had a special birthday. Do you remember how many hours you and I logged in discussing and planning for YOUR birthday?? I broke a frigging finger in pre-game (when picking up your birthday present and the stack of frames fell on top of me at the framing store). But even with a broken finger I still went water rafting for your birthday! Because missing your birthday wasn’t even a possibility. I took pictures, gave you presents, posted on Facebook, screamed Happy Birthday every 5 minutes etc. On Sunday, you have NO idea how much physical pain I was in because of the stupid finger but I never once said one word I took a vicodin and powered through. I did whatever.
So do you know why I did that?
Because I think that being single on birthdays is ONLY tolerable when good friends are willing to shoulder the extra burden.
So is it unfair?
And does that mean that my best friends are basically punished because of my personal choice to be single?
Um yeah! What are you new around here or something? But, it is what it is! Everyone else seems to get it. I don’t believe friendships should be tit-for-tat. I do so much for my friends. I don’t keep tabs with the exception of 1 day out of every year.
Ok, you say you have work dinners and can’t attend. Fine, u know me, I don’t care, I’m the only girl who thinks all hedge fund business should come before G-d and Country. Literally. Dude-my beef with you is just make the effort.
Yes. Of course. I mean, have you met me?
And the reality is you are a dear friend to me the other 364 days of the year. Ok, I’ve said my piece. Just, next year DO BETTER.
TO REALIZE: The value of ten years
Ask a newly divorced couple.
TO REALIZE: The value of four years
Ask a graduate.
TO REALIZE: the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
TO REALIZE: The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still-born.
TO REALIZE: The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
TO REALIZE: The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
TO REALIZE: The value of a second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.
TO REALIZE: The value of a friend:
Lose one. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.