Mr. “Likeminded”


Written by Author, Dear Thor

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One of my favorite couples casually mentions to me they want to introduce me to, “a guy they know.” I could tell they chose their words very carefully. Instead of calling it a “set up,” they referred to it as an, “informal meeting of like minds.” Ok, I thought, I’ll play along.

It was Saturday night, I was wearing my tight jeans and my high heels (just in case Mr. Likeminded ended up being cute). So off I go to meet my favorite couple at Mr. Likeminded’s house (who had graciously offered to cook us dinner).

Let me just preface by saying that I’ve written many posts in the past and held more then one dinner party captive speaking about my feelings about heterosexual men that own cats. Needless to say, even my dry cleaner is fairly clear about my position on this matter.

Fast forward to me walking into Mr. Likeminded’s house. I had barely cracked open the front door, when I felt Sara grab me and whisper in my ear, “before I tell you this, I need you to remain calm. Ok, so obviously this is a set up, but there’s something you need to know. He has 4 cats. And, they’re large. I’m so sorry.” The look on her face resembled one of a doctor delivering bad news to a dying pacient.

In this moment, I’m fairly certain I went out of body. In life, there are moments when you know you are being tested, clearly this was mine. How one reacts under pressure really separates the men from the boys. Ok, so could I keep it together? I polishing off a glass of wine, hoping it might dull the overwhelming smell of kitty litter throughout the house- it didn’t. “So what?” I thought, “keep it together,” I repeated to myself over and over again in my head. My eyes tried to avoid focusing on the life size scratching posts that were placed in every corner of the house.

Ok, I thought, the worst is behind me, crisis averted. No sooner had we sat down to dinner when one of the enormous cats jumped on top of the dinner table and began casually meandering through the prepared food. All 3 cats quickly followed suit. Unfazed, Mr. Likeminded didn’t skip a beat, petting them as he continued telling his story. I looked over at Sara, halfway chewing on a falafel as she tried not to notice that one of the cat’s had uniquely positioned itself so that it’s ass was only inches away from her mouth. I watched her trying to summon all of her courage, trying to pretend this wasn’t happening, and just focus on her food. In an attempt to rescue his wife, Ari said, “wow, do these cats usually jump up on the table during dinner?” Trying to casually give Mr. Likeminded the benefit of the doubt (on the off chance he had neglected to notice 4 cats meandering around his dinner table). But to no avail, Mr. L. said, “yeah, it’s so cute.” In an attempt to salvage something from this evening, I can still remember Ari looking over at me and saying, “I have a sneaking suspicion I will one day be reading about this on Dear Thor.”

Technically, this date happened 2 years ago. Probably one of the funniest parts of this story is that Sara, Ari and I have NEVER discussed this night since. As Ari had predicted, I would one day come to terms with that evening. But even he couldn’t have predicted it would be 2 long years before I would be able to talk it.

Like 3 survivors that experienced a trauma together, I’m hoping that finally being able to write about that evening will help me begin the healing process.

The forgotten art form of full disclosure



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The age old question in online dating, “just how accurate should I be in my online dating profile?” Is there a grey zone?

If women tend to lie about their weight and men about their height, where do you draw the line about what is acceptable to lie about?

Recently, I was matched up with a friend’s ex on Jdate (in real life he’s a 46-years-old, divorced father with 3 kids). However, his online dating profile states he’s a 40-years-old with no kids. Boy, is his next date in for a shock….

When you first begin dating someone, isn’t full disclosure the best policy? Or is it? It hasn’t been for the last couple of guys that I’ve dated, who have all had highly complicated relationships with the truth. I dated Ari for a couple of months before finding out he was significantly older then his profile had stated.

When Jeremy said he was a “recovering” alcoholic what he meant to say was that he was “currently” an alcoholic.

Ty’s version of “newly promoted” was a polite way of saying “currently unemployed.”

Tom told me his kids live with him every “other” weekend. Every “other” weekend turned out to be code for they live with me “full time.”

You say Potato, I say Potato.

Keith told me he volunteered for “charity.” Keith’s version of “charity” turned out to be what other people refer to as “selling pot.”

Alan told me he had an “amicable” divorce. A more accurate description would have been, “I’m still bitter and I’ll spend our entire relationship telling you all about it.”

My best friend recently confessed to me that when she first met me – she didn’t like me. Her first impression was that I was fake because “no one could possibly have as much energy as I did.”

17 years of friendship later, she said, “it turns out I am exactly the person whom I first purported to be (apparently an extrovert with that much energy).” I told her that was one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.

But the whole concept made me wonder about who else I could say that about?

I prayed to the universe for a different type of man. The type that would disclose everything from the onset.

But, you know what they say…be careful what you wish for…

Strong Women Wear…


98% of my past relationships I wish I had known this…..


Great..

NOW you tell me this…..

Thoughts from the Author….


By Author, Dear Thor

But most importantly, in the end, you will be able to look back, and unlike many people, know that you took the risk.

And you rejected a life that was status quo because you wanted more. You will become a stronger person because you didn’t choose a comfortable lifestyle in exchange for a mediocre existence. You didn’t sell out.

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Into Something Positive…


That morning I woke up in your arms after having the most vivid dream. It was about our future: our wedding, Italy, kids, sheer happiness. It felt as familiar to me as if it had already happened. When I met you, I thought I was done you were the man I had been waiting my entire life for.

But, I know now that you weren’t the ending but my beginning.

I had forgotten…

and….

you made me remember.

Remember…the very thing I had somehow lost (without even realizing it).

You reignited something in me. You brought out the fire inside of me again like the jaws of life rescuing me from an  ordinary existence. Even that concept of an ordinary existence makes my skin crawl. But a mediocre life was never in my cards. Meeting you made me realize how truly complacent I had allowed myself to become. But to be clear you are not responsible for giving me the fire, that I was born with. Too many lack luster relationships has simmered that fire inside me. But meeting you changed me. There was something about you or something about you and I together, a connection, that seemed to take on a whole life of its own. Funny how that energy made me do and say things that surprised even myself. How easy it felt to completely lose myself in you, was both unnerving and freeing at the same time. I got so caught up in being 100% transparent with you that I neglected to notice all the things you weren’t saying.

And it’s pretty odd to look back and acknowledge how very little I know about you. You were attracted to the challenge. Addicted to the false pursuit of an ideal. But, here’s the thing, when I look back at our relationship I can say I was 100% myself. I was exactly who I purported to be. Can you say the same thing? And you’re right it would never have worked out between us. But a small part of me will always wonder. I’m not the same woman I was 2 months ago when you broke up with me. We made jokes about me being a writer but oddly what came out of meeting you was finally finding the power of my voice. I will always remember what we had rather than what we didn’t. You mentioned in your email to me that you hoped I would turn the hurt into something positive.

I did.

And I started writing. Really writing.

Meeting The “One”


Written by Author, Dear Thor
He’s the guy you meet the minute you stop looking. He’s familiar even though you’ve only just met. The very connection you spent years trying to artificially manufacture suddenly comes naturally and without much effort. What an odd sensation. Knowing that you could call him 100 times after the 1st date, say all the wrong things, go against every rule in the book AND in spite of your best efforts to sabotage not even you could derail what feels inevitable. All bets are off. All those wasted years you spent trying to tone down your big personality so you could conform into the girl you thought he wanted you to be.

Your friends don’t know what to make of your overnight transition from Confused to Confucius. They can’t figure out how you went to bed one night Paris Hilton and woke up Tony Robbins. Suddenly you’re not peppering your friends with the, “what does this mean” question. As much as you wish you could claim new-found enlightenment the truth turns out to be far less sexy, it was the wrong fit.

Until now.

I’ve been dating my ENTIRE life, obsessed with falling in love. My poor mother has received the, “I just met the man I’m going to marry” call at least a dozen times. For every girl who has ever said, “he seemed nice enough, maybe I’ll go out with him again….” I was simultaneously proclaiming to my mother, “it was love at first sight this time I swear.” Gosh, my Mom was such a good sport. Like clockwork, a broken record, an alarm that refused to go off. I would declare each time (with the most dramatic of convictions) that THIS was “the one”. My past record serves as proof that the only thing I could predict with 100% accuracy was that I had no frigging idea what I was talking about. But my Mom still took every one of my calls and listened to the same love story always about some guy on some date in some city. Occasionally, the details would vary.

I’ve had more relationships them Emilda Marco has had shoes. I cringe when I recall my college friend imitating me, “No, really Jamie- I swear this relationship is so much more major than the last.” But then again that statement is according to me! I’m what a journalist would characterize as an unreliable source. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend, that same day I slept over at Jamie and his wife’s house. The next morning when I woke up, Jamie walked into the room and said “Good Morning, so have you met anyone since I saw you last night?” Obviously, he said this with tongue in cheek but this line made us all crack up with laughter because given my past track record anything is possible.

I’m hoping in this lifetime for lightening to strike twice.

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On Bad Boys…