My friend Sara and her husband lived in San Francisco with their 5-year-old, Max. Over the years Max has wanted to be: a baseball player, an astronaut and a firefighter. Recently they moved to LA. When I asked Maxie what he wanted to be when he grew up, his answer took me by surprise. He said, “Nothing. Yep, I’ve decided I want to be nothing.”
His mother and I laughed thinking he was just being a precocious 5-year-old. However, this wanting to do nothing phase has lasted for 6 months. Since both parents work has Max just seen one too many people doing nothing in lala land? How does that happen? Has he been to too many overcrowded malls on weekdays and thought, “hey, I could do this?”
When he first moved to LA, he started playing with an imaginary friend, named Jamie Martinez. Apparently they played ball together after school. Pretty typical for kids that age. The other day I noticed Max sitting alone not throwing the ball around, I asked, “Max, why don’t you go outside and play with Jamie Martinez?”
“Jamie Martinez is dead to me, he said, “he doesn’t play with me anymore.”
“Why,” I asked.
“He has a full-time job now. He doesn’t have time for me because I do nothing.”
I had always wondered who the Obama Administration was referring too when they announced big increases in job creation. I guess they were referring to imaginary friends like Jamie Martinez.
That morning I woke up in your arms after having the most vivid dream. It was about our future: our wedding, Italy, kids, sheer happiness. It felt as familiar to me as if it had already happened. When I met you, I thought I was done you were the man I had been waiting my entire life for.
But, I know now that you weren’t the ending but my beginning.
I had forgotten…
you made me remember.
Remember…the very thing I had somehow lost (without even realizing it).
You reignited something in me. You brought out the fire inside of me again like the jaws of life rescuing me from an ordinary existence. Even that concept of an ordinary existence makes my skin crawl. But a mediocre life was never in my cards. Meeting you made me realize how truly complacent I had allowed myself to become. But to be clear you are not responsible for giving me the fire, that I was born with. Too many lack luster relationships has simmered that fire inside me. But meeting you changed me. There was something about you or something about you and I together, a connection, that seemed to take on a whole life of its own. Funny how that energy made me do and say things that surprised even myself. How easy it felt to completely lose myself in you, was both unnerving and freeing at the same time. I got so caught up in being 100% transparent with you that I neglected to notice all the things you weren’t saying.
And it’s pretty odd to look back and acknowledge how very little I know about you. You were attracted to the challenge. Addicted to the false pursuit of an ideal. But, here’s the thing, when I look back at our relationship I can say I was 100% myself. I was exactly who I purported to be. Can you say the same thing? And you’re right it would never have worked out between us. But a small part of me will always wonder. I’m not the same woman I was 2 months ago when you broke up with me. We made jokes about me being a writer but oddly what came out of meeting you was finally finding the power of my voice. I will always remember what we had rather than what we didn’t. You mentioned in your email to me that you hoped I would turn the hurt into something positive.
And I started writing. Really writing.
Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.
Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.
Written by Author, Dear Thor
****THIS IS THE EXACT EMAIL I SEND TO MY BEST GUY FRIEND. I THOUGHT SINGLE GIRLS IN THEIR 30’S MIGHT BE ABLE TO RELATE.****
Dear My Best Guy Friend: Actually scratch my “whatever” comment I’m making a real effort not to be passive aggressive in 2013. Ok, you already know how extra special crazy I get every year on my birthday.
I feel like I made a really big effort to make sure you had a special birthday. Do you remember how many hours you and I logged in discussing and planning for YOUR birthday?? I broke a frigging finger in pre-game (when picking up your birthday present and the stack of frames fell on top of me at the framing store). But even with a broken finger I still went water rafting for your birthday! Because missing your birthday wasn’t even a possibility. I took pictures, gave you presents, posted on Facebook, screamed Happy Birthday every 5 minutes etc. On Sunday, you have NO idea how much physical pain I was in because of the stupid finger but I never once said one word I took a vicodin and powered through. I did whatever.
So do you know why I did that?
Because I think that being single on birthdays is ONLY tolerable when good friends are willing to shoulder the extra burden.
So is it unfair?
And does that mean that my best friends are basically punished because of my personal choice to be single?
Um yeah! What are you new around here or something? But, it is what it is! Everyone else seems to get it. I don’t believe friendships should be tit-for-tat. I do so much for my friends. I don’t keep tabs with the exception of 1 day out of every year.
Ok, you say you have work dinners and can’t attend. Fine, u know me, I don’t care, I’m the only girl who thinks all hedge fund business should come before G-d and Country. Literally. Dude-my beef with you is just make the effort.
Yes. Of course. I mean, have you met me?
And the reality is you are a dear friend to me the other 364 days of the year. Ok, I’ve said my piece. Just, next year DO BETTER.