Mr. “Likeminded”


Written by Author, Dear Thor

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One of my favorite couples casually mentions to me they want to introduce me to, “a guy they know.” I could tell they chose their words very carefully. Instead of calling it a “set up,” they referred to it as an, “informal meeting of like minds.” Ok, I thought, I’ll play along.

It was Saturday night, I was wearing my tight jeans and my high heels (just in case Mr. Likeminded ended up being cute). So off I go to meet my favorite couple at Mr. Likeminded’s house (who had graciously offered to cook us dinner).

Let me just preface by saying that I’ve written many posts in the past and held more then one dinner party captive speaking about my feelings about heterosexual men that own cats. Needless to say, even my dry cleaner is fairly clear about my position on this matter.

Fast forward to me walking into Mr. Likeminded’s house. I had barely cracked open the front door, when I felt Sara grab me and whisper in my ear, “before I tell you this, I need you to remain calm. Ok, so obviously this is a set up, but there’s something you need to know. He has 4 cats. And, they’re large. I’m so sorry.” The look on her face resembled one of a doctor delivering bad news to a dying pacient.

In this moment, I’m fairly certain I went out of body. In life, there are moments when you know you are being tested, clearly this was mine. How one reacts under pressure really separates the men from the boys. Ok, so could I keep it together? I polishing off a glass of wine, hoping it might dull the overwhelming smell of kitty litter throughout the house- it didn’t. “So what?” I thought, “keep it together,” I repeated to myself over and over again in my head. My eyes tried to avoid focusing on the life size scratching posts that were placed in every corner of the house.

Ok, I thought, the worst is behind me, crisis averted. No sooner had we sat down to dinner when one of the enormous cats jumped on top of the dinner table and began casually meandering through the prepared food. All 3 cats quickly followed suit. Unfazed, Mr. Likeminded didn’t skip a beat, petting them as he continued telling his story. I looked over at Sara, halfway chewing on a falafel as she tried not to notice that one of the cat’s had uniquely positioned itself so that it’s ass was only inches away from her mouth. I watched her trying to summon all of her courage, trying to pretend this wasn’t happening, and just focus on her food. In an attempt to rescue his wife, Ari said, “wow, do these cats usually jump up on the table during dinner?” Trying to casually give Mr. Likeminded the benefit of the doubt (on the off chance he had neglected to notice 4 cats meandering around his dinner table). But to no avail, Mr. L. said, “yeah, it’s so cute.” In an attempt to salvage something from this evening, I can still remember Ari looking over at me and saying, “I have a sneaking suspicion I will one day be reading about this on Dear Thor.”

Technically, this date happened 2 years ago. Probably one of the funniest parts of this story is that Sara, Ari and I have NEVER discussed this night since. As Ari had predicted, I would one day come to terms with that evening. But even he couldn’t have predicted it would be 2 long years before I would be able to talk it.

Like 3 survivors that experienced a trauma together, I’m hoping that finally being able to write about that evening will help me begin the healing process.

The Sara and Ari way


IMG_3071Written by Author, Dear Thor

When faced with making a decision you can either do it the right way, the wrong way or what I like to refer to as the third option the Sara and Ari way. Unconventional, raw, never stands on pretense, always filled with pure love, it’s like off-roading for the soul. From afar it may seem disjointed, but get a little closer you’ll see, not only do they pull it off, they knock it straight out of the park.

On any given day, when you ask Sara about Ari her eyes will squint a little, her face will begin to light up and she’ll grin as big as a Cheshire Cat.

All you have to do is look at the place they used to live, located in the seediest part of Venice Beach. Commonly referred to as Muskrat Lane (named that because instead of a street sign the only identifiable trait was a mural of a muskrat painted on a random street corner). Down by the beach amongst the homeless and transient set, you’d walk through this dangerous and chaotic atmosphere outside, but once inside you’d enter the loving cocoon of Sara and Ari. I remember hesitating when Sara moved in, “are you sure. I asked?” Their love not only withstood the elements but flourished under the circumstances. Muskrat Lane became a testament to their love. Regardless of the challenging conditions outside, their bond could endure the elements and stand the test of time.

IMG_3075Coincidentally, I was on the phone with Sara one random night having one of our marathon conversations pondering the meaning of life. It was in this conversation that we randomly decided that the NEXT day was going to be the BEST day of our lives. So the next day, when she called me from New York, to tell me that Ari had  surprised her in NY and proposed. I think the first words out of my mouth was, “G-d, you’re good!!!”

My Kamikaze Mission (otherwise known as my last relationship)


Written by Author, Dear Thor

Take lawyer dude, Fred, who asked me the inevitable 3rd date question, “when was your last relationship?” I retell the sordid story of betrayal like a stoic war vet, who just feels lucky to have made it through in one piece. Midway through the story he blurted out, “wow. And you still went back to him even after__, sounds like you were on a real Kamikaze mission.” Suddenly, I realized how absurd this story must sound about the girl that runs towards (not away from) danger? Like a Kamikaze pilot, we both knew it was a suicide mission, but proceed anyway.

Growing up in California, I was taught from a young age what to do in the event of an earthquake. In school we practiced earthquake safety drills every couple of months. Have I done one too many earthquake drills that I’ve somehow adopted the “stop, drop, and take cover” protocol to past relationships as well?

 

The forgotten art form of full disclosure



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The age old question in online dating, “just how accurate should I be in my online dating profile?” Is there a grey zone?

If women tend to lie about their weight and men about their height, where do you draw the line about what is acceptable to lie about?

Recently, I was matched up with a friend’s ex on Jdate (in real life he’s a 46-years-old, divorced father with 3 kids). However, his online dating profile states he’s a 40-years-old with no kids. Boy, is his next date in for a shock….

When you first begin dating someone, isn’t full disclosure the best policy? Or is it? It hasn’t been for the last couple of guys that I’ve dated, who have all had highly complicated relationships with the truth. I dated Ari for a couple of months before finding out he was significantly older then his profile had stated.

When Jeremy said he was a “recovering” alcoholic what he meant to say was that he was “currently” an alcoholic.

Ty’s version of “newly promoted” was a polite way of saying “currently unemployed.”

Tom told me his kids live with him every “other” weekend. Every “other” weekend turned out to be code for they live with me “full time.”

You say Potato, I say Potato.

Keith told me he volunteered for “charity.” Keith’s version of “charity” turned out to be what other people refer to as “selling pot.”

Alan told me he had an “amicable” divorce. A more accurate description would have been, “I’m still bitter and I’ll spend our entire relationship telling you all about it.”

My best friend recently confessed to me that when she first met me – she didn’t like me. Her first impression was that I was fake because “no one could possibly have as much energy as I did.”

17 years of friendship later, she said, “it turns out I am exactly the person whom I first purported to be (apparently an extrovert with that much energy).” I told her that was one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.

But the whole concept made me wonder about who else I could say that about?

I prayed to the universe for a different type of man. The type that would disclose everything from the onset.

But, you know what they say…be careful what you wish for…

Hello my name is the Author and I’m a commitment phobe….


Written By Author, Dear Thor
No, I’m not referring to the men I date.
I’m referring to an even more obscure and misunderstood sub-set of the dating population. I’m talking about a group (made up entirely of women). They are terrified of commitment, or rather, the fear of committing themselves to the wrong guy. I have a confession. I’m not only in this Club. I’m the President. I’ve been screaming foul from the sidelines of relationships for simply far too long now. I’m a serial monogamist, going from relationship to relationship. From the outside, it might appear that I’m ready for love, but I’m just dating different versions of the wrong men. Take my word for it, if you’re looking to date the wrong men, bad boys are only too quick to help. (High reward, low commitment). But dating a bad boy is a fast track to nowhere, which coincidentally, is also the perfect beard to mask this gal’s fear of commitment. When you hook up with a bad boy, rest assured, everyone’s too busy noticing the mysterious rebel thing to pay much attention to you. Oddly, you appear (by and large) pretty together in comparison to the company you keep.

My default dating setting has always been set to the wrong men. And bad boys come pre-packaged with a fast approaching expiration date. Like driving your car with the emergency brake permanently on. Putting myself out there always felt like I was a trapeze artist performing without a safety net. Dating bad boys ensured that I’d never again have to put myself out there. I could outsmart the game of love. But by dating bad boys I was only disqualifying myself from the game. Most of my friends would describe my type as “tall, dark, mysterious and very troubled.” If he looks like the type of guy who would have a problem getting through the TSA at the airport, you’ve hit the nail on the head.

I studied abroad in Florence during college. His name was Pete, he was mysterious, had a bad attitude and thought he was too cool for school. Naturally I was drawn to him. On the first day of the program, we started dating. Having heard about “my new major boyfriend” my bestie Jamie came to Italy to visit me. Jamie stood in front of the Duomo (the hang out spot for all the American students studying abroad). Looking for his friends, Jamie scanned the crowds of hundreds of students, before becoming splinter focused on one boy standing across the street. To our mutual friend, Jamie announced, “That’s Pete isn’t it? I’ve never seen a picture of him but I can just tell by the way he’s walking that this guy is the biggest d-bag. And knowing our girl as well as I do, I could spot her type from a mile away.” 

“Bingo,“our mutual friend responded.

That’s the thing about patterns, eventually you grow up and grow out of them. Dating bad boys is like re-reading the same book and hoping each time for a new ending. So, today, I’m reading a new book. And, I’ll let you know how this one ends.

High Emotional vs. High Financial Maintenance


A man once told me all women are either high “emotional” or “financial” maintenance.

And certain women are both.

He told me that men are simple creatures. They just want to be fed and feel appreciated. He went on to say most men prefer a woman who is high “financial” maintenance because (as long as you have money) there’s always an easy solution. If you throw enough money at the problem–she’s be happy.

But then there’s the women classified as high “emotional” maintenance. These women are much trickier to please. She’d rather you be “present and in the moment” then shower her with material things. She wants to know “what you’re thinking.” She’s a never-ending challenge. It takes a certain type of warrior to commit to this undertaking. Thus, the search for my warrior continues…..

Strong Women Wear…


Wise Words….


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Every woman should have…


To Realize…


TO REALIZE: The value of a sister.
Ask someone who doesn’t have one.

TO REALIZE: The value of ten years
Ask a newly divorced couple.

TO REALIZE: The value of four years
Ask a graduate.

TO REALIZE: the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

TO REALIZE: The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still-born.

TO REALIZE: The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

TO REALIZE: The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

TO REALIZE: The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

                                                                               TO REALIZE: The value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

TO REALIZE: The value of a second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

TO REALIZE: The value of a friend:
Lose one.                                     Time waits for no oneTreasure every moment you have.