Men with Cats: they’re here, they’re queer and I’m so over them!!!


catsWritten by Author, Dear Thor

Ladies, it’s time to talk about what’s really going on here, I think we all know the issue I’m referring too. The white elephant (or should I say cat) in the room? I was sincerely hoping this disturbing trend would fade away and that I would never be forced to address it. I’m referring to the new breed of single heterosexual men who own a cat (and in many cases 2!).

Please note***I am a huge animal lover and have always grown up with dogs. I have many girlfriends that love/or own a cat. Also, many of my best friends are gay men. This article is speaking to the: single, heterosexual cat owners I keep finding myself on dates with.****

The sheer number of these men would blow your mind. It is not an urban myth. I am here to confirm, they are everywhere, in every major city, living among us. Has gender roles gotten so mixed up that single heterosexual men actually think this is okay? And I use “heterosexual” here with the loosest of intentions.

Because….really??????

What happened to the image of the big masculine man jogging in Central Park with his oversized dog alongside? Are these images reminiscent of a time long past? Has the 21st century version of the man with a dog been replaced by the metro sexual power walking through Central Park with a cat on a leash?

Is this the new normal?

Suddenly, every date I find myself going on lately seems to be with a cat owner. “My apartment building only allows cats. My ex-wife took the dog and left me with the cat when we separated. The cat was a gift from an ex. I’m allergic to dogs. The reason I have 3 cats is because my cat delivered and I was left to raise the litter.” Blah blah blah.

Initially your limp handshake first raised some red flags about your sexuality, but it wasn’t until you mentioned that you owned a cat, did I know for certain. It’s the nail in the gay coffin moment for me, if you will. And if you’re gay, I’m totally cool with it. Be gay, date men, fine by me. But really if you’re going to pretend to be straight, admitting to owning a cat kinda blows your cover? Does supporting the gay community also mean that I have to date the gay guys as well? To what end?

 

What was once a perverse trend is now commonplace. My friend, Nikki, admitted to me after a 9 month relationship, “there’s something I’ve been keeping from you,” she said. “What is it,” I asked. She hesitated a little and said, “well, the ex actually has 2 cats, I couldn’t tell you about the second one, I was two ashamed.” My response was “wait he had 2 cats and no car?” Hence the nickname that would spread like wildfire through San Francisco. To this day, I couldn’t tell you what his first name really was.

In summary: to any of the single heterosexual men out there reading this, I beg you, please, when your ex-wife insists on letting you keep the cat, it’s not out of the goodness of her heart-TRUST ME.

Before you go out and adopt that cat (and splurge on the matching lease) stop yourself in your tracks, instead MAN UP and adopt the big dog.

Because once you do, the women with follow….

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